Lower rim, softer word: how toasts move around a Chinese dinner table

At a Chinese dinner, you rarely choose when to take the first sip. Drinking at the table moves by toast, called jìngjiǔ (敬酒), which means offering a drink with respect. Who raises a glass, how high and how much goes down often say more than the small talk does.

The host opens, everyone waits

The first toast belongs to the host, usually once the cold dishes are on the table. Until then the glasses stay untouched, even if the beer was poured ten minutes ago. After that the toasts move outward: the host to the guest of honour, the guests back to the host, then smaller pairings around the table.

Keep your rim below theirs

When two glasses meet, the person offering respect lowers their rim below the other's. With a host or an elder, keep yours lower. Often both people keep dipping, and the clink happens somewhere near the tablecloth. Nobody is trying to win; the gesture is the point. Across a wide round table, a light tap of your glass's base on the table or the edge of the turntable counts as a clink.

Gānbēi, suíyì, or tea

Gānbēi (干杯) means to dry the cup, and people mean it. The glass is emptied and sometimes tilted toward the other person to show nothing is left. Suíyì (随意) means as you like, and it frees you to take a sip. If someone says gānbēi, you can smile, take a sip and say wǒ suíyì. That is an accepted reply, not a snub.

Not drinking at all is fine. Raise tea or juice and say yǐ chá dài jiǔ (以茶代酒), tea in place of wine. If you say it once, early in the meal, people usually stop refilling your baijiu glass. The full line, wǒ yǐ chá dài jiǔ, jìng nín yì bēi, means that you offer a cup with tea standing in for wine.

我以茶代酒，敬您一杯。